Lullaby
by Miss JM Barrie
Summary: Complete. Oneshot. Willow has been having some very vivid dreams lately, but can she continue to see the visions that elate and devastate her subconscious if it means her life?


The cold, biting wind blew threw the crack in the window, rustling the skirt of the thin maroon curtains. It caused a tickling sensation to caress over the nose of one of the occupants in the tiny bed. Abesently, Willow Rosenberg reached up and wiped at her nose, shifting in the crook of her girlfriend, Kennedy's, arm. The movement stirred Willow momentarily, and she slinked her arm down the pajama covered abdomen. The touch wouldn't have been much, but it was enough. Willow's subconscious sometimes had a mind of it's own. And she hated it when it played tricks on her, even in her dreams.

Slowly, she opened her eyes. It was daylight outside now, and she was no longer in the cheap roustabout hotel she and the other had been shacking up in since leaving the crater where Sunnydale had once stood. This room was illuminated abd beautiful because it was hers. It belonged to her. And her Tara, who was smiling at her now, looking down at Willow's head, resting in the crook of her arm. The normal person would think that the vision of her beloved soul mate would elate Willow, yet it only seemed to bring her into a deep despair. She closed her eyes again, and clung tightly onto Tara, tears trickling down the lover's neck.

"Sh, sh," Tara whispered, and stroked the red head's fiery locks. She only did so for a moment before she heard Willow mumble,

"I hate these dreams. They haunt me."

It was true. Tara was only a mirage, and would soon go away. Yet unlike ordinary dreams, there was something very different about these images, a realism that frightened Willow at times. She had had these visions of days and nights reunited with her lost Tara, but recently everthing almost seemed…..Willow figured she had learned something through magic that could exist on a subconscious level. Something deeper than what a spell could teach. Right now, Willow knew this time wouldn't last and soon Tara's absence would tear at Willow's heart, and she would once again feel like another piece of her died.

"Let's not spend these moments like this," Tara soothed, and pulled Willow's face gently by the chin so she could see her. She lightly kissed the tear track that had tunneled its way down her love's cheek. When she got up to her eye, she kissed the lid softly, and as she pulled away, Willow opened her eyes. A sad smile creeped across her lips as she placed a hand on Tara's face. The blonde smiled in return and placed her hand atop Willow's.

"You feel more real every time," Willow whispered, "because there are even more moments of the day where I….." she broke off, not wanting to finish.

"When you forget," Tara concluded for her. Willow averted their gaze, guilt sweeping over her, but Tara just cupped Willow's hand, and presses her lips onto Willow's palm. "Sweetie, look at me," she said. Cautiously, Willow did so. "I want you to be happy. I wouldn't be able to stand it if I thought you would close yourself off from ever loving someone again." Willow sighed.

"I care for her a great deal, love her even, yes, but…." Willow shifted closer to her, "I have only ever been in love with you." Willow brought her lips to meet Tara's in a gentle kiss that continued to grow in intensity as Willow forced the two of them deeper into the sheets. She rolled herself on top of Tara breaking the kiss, and gazing into Tara's deep eyes. The eyes that held her soul.

"Are you happy there?" Willow asked, heaving with shallow breath. Tara raised a curious eyebrow.

"Odd question right now," she replied coyly, breathing heavily.

"Please, tell me," Willo replied, as she evaded an attempt at a kiss from Tara's rising mouth above the bed. Slowly, Tara rested her head back onto the pillow, and looked deep in though for a moment before replying,

"I am in heaven. All is at peace, there is nothing to fear, and love abounds and radiates among all connecting things." She then raised a finger and began to trace lightly over Willow's face as she finished, "But I am only in paradise when you dream. Then I hear you calling me, and I can come to be with you for a few moments. Then I am happy, and I am alive Tears began to form in Willow's eyes again, and although Tara had fought them back thus far, they began to seep through her own. This time the kiss that followed was deep and passionate. It was almost like a bunger to start filling the void once Willow would awaken.

Willow pulled her lips from Tara, feelin the heat beween them starting to rise. The kiss had left Willow completely disoriented, but she knew this body like a book. In a few minutes she wouldn't be able to see let alone think, but it didn't matter. She vowed she was going to make the next little while count, as she slipped her lips to nestle under Tara's ear. In a husky voice she whispered, "I love you," and that was the last thing she remember before it all became a blur.

There wasn't much time left. The two lay in each other's arms, clinging closer wih each passing second. This time it was Tara who was taking shelter in her loved one's arms, knowing that this parting was going to be the hardest. She had to tell her. "I….I…." she whispered. Willow did not want to hear that tone right now.

"Baby, what is it, what's wrong?" Willow asked, bringing Tara's eyes to hers. Tara's bottom lipi trembled as she tried to convince herself that if she just blurted it all out at once it would be easier. Either way, it was going to be devasting for them both. Yet it was in that moment's pause that Willow saw it. Tara didn't have to tell her, she saw it in her eyes.

"This is the last time, isn't it?" she whispered. The dreams she had just cursed for haunting her now tugged at her insides at the thought of never holding Tara again. "I'm never going to have these…..these…."

"No," Tara interrupted, "you won't have any more dreams like this. The balance is being thrown, and sweetie," she whispered, tears now flowing freely, "it's killing you." Willow sat stunned, she didn't even know what to say. "We can't be allowed to be so…so…c-connected anymore." Now Willow went from fear to terror in a blink.

"Tara…..wha-what are you saying? Wha---" Willow frantically tried to cling on to and touch every part of Tara's face, arms, hair, shoudler, anything that would preevtn her from fading away right then.

"Your powers are so strong that when you summon me….."

"I what?" Willow had never really thought about it before, se had always just thought these were dreams. Thoughbeit highly vivid dreams that brought her to…… "I summon you?" Tara looked down timidly for a moment then tenderly looked into Willow's eyes.

"I didn't know it was killing you. Slowly, but it is, and now I know, and….Willow, I would hear you crying and I couldn't turn away," she whispered, choking on the tears forming in her throar, "and the magic is so incredibly strong, you know it is," she broke now, crying, Willow's eyes growing bigger yet she was rendered speechless. "This is all my fault, I just couldn't resist it. And now I'm killing you----"

"Listen to me," Willow said intensly, finding her voice. She clutched Tara's hair and brough their foreheads together. "Never for one second have I regretted a single moment with you. You have been the only thing getting me through, knowing I belonged to you. I would die for you, and have died for you. Let the fates do whatever the hell they want, but I never want you to blame yourself for anything." Tara fell into Willow's arms, resting her head in her love's shoulder. After a moment of tears she whispered,

"I'm not strong enough for this." Willow stroked her hair.

"Neither am I," she confessed, "but maybe it's time we stopped trying to be so strong." Tara rose from Willow's embrace. She knew they had little time left. Tara had to make it count. She had to say something that would be ever lasting.

"I sing you to sleep. Every night." That wasn't exactly what she had in mind, but Willow smiled weakly, and kissed her. Lips barely removed Willow replied,

"And that place where I can here you is where I'll always love you." Tara tried to smile, but couldn't. Instead she just kissed her love again.

"I will always be here, even when you can't see me. I've always been here. D-Dawn told me Buffy…..before she, you know, a few years ago. She told Dawn to live. For her. That's what I--I want you to promise me. N-never forget to live. I'll be there." Willow gently touched her tear stained face.

"I know, baby. I will." And just like that, Tara was gone, and Willow was awake.

The room had reverted back into the darkness of the night, the moon barely shining onto Kennedy's face. She had not stirred for a minute. Willow rolled over onto her side and saw her family. On the couch, Dawn was laying curled against Buffy, Buffy's free arm slumped across her sister's shoulders protectively. Dawn had evidently moved in the middle of the night, because Xander lay alone now on the floor, jerking about every few seconds. Willow figured she wouldn't be the only one having haunting dreams. Faith and Robing were snuggled against the wall, sleeping upright. Giles was in a chair, head nodding as his glasses lay askew. Tears flowed down Willow's cheeks again as she saw what she really had to live for. None of them would ever be Tara, but she loved them all the same. Maybe Buffy did have a point. Then again, she usually did. As Willow's quiet sobs lulled into the din, she heard a soothing sigh of melodies flood into her head and wash over her. The voice soothed her into a restless sleep. 


End file.
